Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
