She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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