Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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