Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
