OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
