Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I had to cum in my sink.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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