I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
