she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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