Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
