im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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