He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
