I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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