You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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