If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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