Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
