I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
