Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i've created a new STD.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
