i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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