How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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