I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
