I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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