i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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