but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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