nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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