I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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