sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize