I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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