I'm lost and stupid without you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
