there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
