definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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