what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
