mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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