Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
