3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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