No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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