I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Randomize
