u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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