i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
