just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
