Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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