Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
