i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
