Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
