dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i think im in europe. pls send help
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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