her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
