Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
