glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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