Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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