She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's blow job season.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
