You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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