I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
