I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
