We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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