Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
