You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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