Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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