Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
