Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize