he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I will be naked everywhere
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
