Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
