Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
