NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
