The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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