just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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