I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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