Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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