This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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