so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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