How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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