I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
