A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
