apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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