If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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