i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
