I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
